Today I was all set in my mind for surgery. I did the prep last night, got up at 3 went to the hospital, they gave me 2 IV's a shot in my ab for thinning blood, took blood which hurt the most because she couldn't find a vein. Then they wheeled me into OR and was getting me ready when everyone was watching my heart monitor and then I heard my doctor say " we may not be able to do this today " . They had someone else come in and look it over and that's when my doctor told me that I would have to see a heart doctor and find out what the next move is. I think the doc will take one look at me and say lose some weight.
I had the hard part behind me, now I get to do it all over again. I guess I should not complain it could always be worse, I mean, I don't know what the doc will tell me Monday, I hope " everything's fine, you just have a skipping heart beat".
I have so many plans in the works and I have kinda put them on hold until recovery. I guess that is why I was so depressed when I came home. Now that I have had time to think about it things really do happen for a reason, all in God's time. I don't know why this happen today but He does. As for the plans, I am starting tonight and going ahead and when I have this surgery I will simply put everything on a slight hold or do what I can. I think I am afraid that I will be down for 5 to 6 weeks, that is what most say. I keep thinking everyone is different and it is what it is.
On a positive note, I now know what to expect when I go in next time and isn't that where fear comes from, the not knowing.
I am a big Tim Holtz fan and I posted something of his a few days ago which looking back is so true.
" the mind determines which is possible. The heart surpasses it"
I guess today my heart said " we are not doing this today"
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