Sunday

Christmas has gone by so quickly. I enjoyed spending time with my family, taking photos and watching the kids open their gifts, and the food, not bad at all. I think I am ready to start my diet come the first of the year and kick caffeine for a while. Oh I do love my coffee, I hope I get the same great taste from decaf ( LOL ) but hmmm I don't think so. If I can give up smoking 3 packs a day I know good and well I can give up coffee.
I got the gift of the what I think is the flu this Christmas, wasn't that sweet. I'm not going to go into the whole whinny " Oh I'm so sick" and all that boring crap, here is the jest of it " It sucks ". I was going to get Brooke tomorrow but I don't think I will now, no reason for her to get this. I have been so careful too, at this moment at my desk I am looking at 4 different types of hand sanitizers, I keep one in my purse and one in my truck. I even have the Ed Hardy brand ( even stylish with my hand sanitizer lol ) but I like the Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath and Body works better. I not only put it on my hands but I inhale it thinking that would somehow help, there's alot of my family that does that too. Up to now it has worked. Oh well I guess it was going to hit sooner or later.

I've been working on some orders of necklaces and tees. I've got some new designs worked up, now I just need to photograph them.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Christmas Shopping

Done, all but one gift card left to buy. It was so packed at the mall, you would think that it was the weekend.
I need to be in there wrappin' the gifts, Lord knows I got plenty paper last year after the season ( like always ). I think we are going to open gifts with my family  this Sunday here at our house.

Sunday

This morning we went to church after that came home. Barbara came by and bought some things form me and I made a cd for a talent show that she is helping with.
I got some things done around here took care of some orders I had online ( lovin' that ).
Today I was physically pain free and I didn't have to take anything! I had to take breaks but not as often as before. Tomorrow will be the true test, we are going shopping in Memphis and that sometimes means I could be somewhere that I can't sit or prop my leg up. I will be taking something with me  just to be on the safe side. What do people do that hurt and can't find relief. I mean I know that if worse comes to worse I can just sit on the floor ( wouldn't that get some stares ), but some people have nothing they can do and no amount of pain pills other than knocking them out will help. Before this I've always been able to take physical pain I guess because I would think it's much better than emotional pain, you know like a trade off of some sort. Like " If I can handle this nothing bad will happen ( and to me bad is emotional pain, is it not everyones fear  ) ". I know that sounds crazy, but I am strange sometimes.

Tonight was light a candle in memory of a child that has gone on to heaven. I lost a first cousin, Justin and 2 second cousins that died years ago and they were first cousins. Please remember those that have lost loved ones in your prayers, this time of year is the hardest for them.

13 days to go

  Let's see, Billy and I went to Jackson to do some shopping. I don't think we did any Christmas shopping. It was a MAD house. Went to Macy's for some quick shopping then we went to Casey Jones Place, the Southern Magnolia has some Christmas houses now, along with other Christmas things. I only got a light kit for a house that I want to do a small set up. We checked out K mart, I got some trees for the setup, and other things, then went to grab a bite at Catfish Cabin ( we haven't been there in awhile ).
  I just got finished watching Julie & Julia, now I want to get " Mastering the joy of French Cooking " cook book. The only problem is that I am starting " The Makers Diet " with some of my aunts and cousin starting January, I don't think butter will be allowed. I love Meryl Streep she is such a great actress, she played Julia perfectly. I wish they would do a movie more on Julia's life.

  I have got to get clothes ready for church in the morning.
 
 

Christmas Shopping

Today I got most of my Christmas shopping done, and today has been the only day for that. I keep thinking we have plenty of time, but time has slipped by too fast. I wanted to put out the houses but I've waited too late, I guess next year I will make it. We have Monday and then the rest of the week the kids go half a day, and Brooke will be here when she gets out of school, so time is a ticking. As for me and Billy, we don't know what we want, I haven't thought about it.
I have thought of my cousin Justin and his parents many times today. Once you see a loved one live that kind of pain ( the loss of a child ) it stays with you.

Justin

Tomorrow will be 4 years that our family has lost Justin. There was a big age gap with him and myself so I did not hang out with him like I did my other cousins.  I mean I have cousins that had kids close to his age that's how they got to know him better I guess. He was so smart like his mom and he loved to hunt like his dad. I'll always remember that every time that I saw him he was quiet but always smiling.  Not long ago my aunt was telling me that the biggest fear of a parent that has lost a child is that that child will be forgotten. I know that will not happen with him, too many people loved him.

Etsy

I put some new things in my etsy store. I also made a lot of changes, I need to do better photos, I seem to get in a hurry because I know that I need to rush that process because my time will be spent trying to put a description to it.
Wow Christmas is almost here and I have only got 1 gift. Not only that I keep thinking of all the things I'd like to do before then like put out my Department 56 houses and some other things. I don't think I'll get to do all the houses this year, I've waited too late, but I will do a few small set up here and there.
I've got so much to do tomorrow I will keep this short and get to bed.

Latest on health

Today I had the ultrasound done. It was really just to get a better look and decide what to do next. I do need a historectomy but the funny part is I already got that part set in my head last week, and I really am fine with it but when my Dr was telling me about the drug that we are going to try to shrink them some before the surgery I did freak out a little on the inside. It's a shot ( Ohhh noooo )once a month, then we didn't know if we could start it today because they have to call and get approval to use it, now that had me somewhat nervous. I did not know that a clinic would have a drug that needed the go ahead to use, so the side effects worried me. When they got the go ahead I asked the nurse what the side effects were and she said that it would put me in early mentapause and hot flashes. I was like give me that drug, no more periods and all the crap that goes with it, and hot flashes, please, I am the most cold nature person you will ever meet I could jack this heat up around here to 80 and be comfortable. The nurse that gave me the shot, great, did not even feel it. I was a big baby for no reason. We are looking at March for the surgery and I am fine with it, I just pray we can shrink it enough to have the new type of surgery. They told us to wait 20 min out in the waiting room after the shot to see if I had any reaction, and I'm like what kind of reaction are we looking for, stumbling around or fall out dead, she didn't say lol. They are all so nice there, I don't think I would be this calm if they weren't.
While we were doing the ultrasound I told Billy " wouldn't it be something if it were like that show, I didn't know I was pregnant, but then again 3 years, I think we are safe."
Got a new necklace listed tonight.

I have been doing research for the tumors thinking that this Dr would have me take a pill and all this would just go away. When he said " I think we are looking at surgery" I said " not a hysterectomy " and he said Yes. I thought dang I've got to get home and do alot more researching to avoid this. I thought the only reason they would need to do that was if I had cancer and yet I still don't know for sure about that one, I guess I will know tue. He wants me to see if he can give me a pill to try and shrink it before surgery be easier for recovery( larger than a football now ).
When I came back out to the desk to set up other appointments I was joking with the lady there. Billy was waiting for me and I was talking to him on the way out and handed him the keys, the moment I closed the truck door I broke down crying, and was telling him what the deal was. Later on the way home I was okay with it and he said " I am proud of my girl, you held it together till you got in the truck." LOL. I'm not down with PDE ( public display of emotions ) we have been together 8 years and he can count on one hand and have fingers left over, how many times he has seen me cry.
Yesterday I hurt so badly that I knew that I would do what ever was needed to end this pain. Now I have to get on to weight loss in a fast way, because of surgery, I've lost weight so many times so I know that's not a problem once it is in my head, and well I think I am there now.

Dec 2 - pray for me

Where to begin, 2 weeks ago the pain that I have had for more than 3 years has got to a point of having to do something. I was walking and the pain was so great that I froze and could not move. I went to the doctor for pain pills and they sent me to have a CAT scan that day. They found some tumors and now I have to see someone tomorrow. I use to have this fear of going to the doctor, but the pain was so bad I did not care what happened. I am to a point to where I am sick of having to take breaks while I am out because of pain from standing ( walking didn't hurt until a few weeks ago ). All this time I thought it was from my weight and now I find out this. I don't care what they have to do as long as the pain goes away. I pray that it is not cancer, I think that I would hurt all the time if it were that. I did check on some wigs just to be ready if I need them. I'm not sure if all cemo does that or not. I have strangers complement me on my hair so I am very funny about my hair.
Today I stood in line at Michaels with tears running down my cheeks because the lady in front of me had like 50 things for them to scan and the pain gets worse, then the other half of a pain pill kicked in and I was in heaven. At that moment I no longer had a fear of doctors, sick people, & needles but the fear that I would get worse and pain pills would not help.
The day I had the scan done I was telling Billy about it and he was worried about what it could be and I told him " It's got to be a okay, I go to this next doctor December 2 on your birthday, so it's got to be good news".
I bet I won't find out anything tomorrow, just meet with this doctor and set up for some tests and things.
Power of prayer. I believe it strongly so please pray for me.